Today is my Quinn's 4th birthday. It has been an amazing adventure to watch her grow from a 9 month old baby who could not even sit up alone to a fiercely independent 4 year old who can do almost anything (or so she thinks). I watch her getting dressed and marvel at how her body no longer has that toddler shape. Now she has more of a little girl shape, though maybe I should call it a mini-girl because she IS on the small side. It's a big day for all of us, because her Daddy has declared Quinn's mouth a "paci-free zone" and they packed up all the pacifiers this morning to ship to our friends in Las Vegas. Please say a special prayer for us tonight. We'll need it at bedtime.
For all my talk about how parenting an adopted child is no different than parenting a child born from my own body, today is the day that reminds me that there are indeed differences. It's a different sort of birthday. With Dana and Karis I can tell them stories about the day they were born. I don't have that with Quinn. I don't know if she was born after a long labor or a short one. Did she cry right away? Was she alert? Did she need any help to start breathing? Was she born early, or on her due date, or late? Every year on this day I think about Quinn's birth mother somewhere in China and I wonder if she thinks about her baby. I know that most Chinese don't have any idea how many children live in orphanages there and that a great number of them are eventually adopted into other countries, most into the US. In an area as remote as the one Quinn came from, I suspect that they don't even know about the orphanages and definitely not about international adoption. I wonder what they think happens to the babies that are left. On this day, I wonder if Quinn's birth mother misses her. I wonder if she ever regrets leaving that month-old baby in the marketplace. I know that the mother intended for someone to find Quinn, otherwise she could have left her somewhere less public. That tells me that she cared enough to keep Quinn alive, and she did take care of Quinn for a month before she left her. According to the orphanage, there was a note left with Quinn telling them her birthdate, so we party on May 20 with a reasonable amount of confidence that it IS the correct day. When we first started pursuing international adoption, I loved the fact that due to China's law about abandonment, we would never know who Quinn's birthparents are, and therefore we would never have to worry about anyone trying to take her back or having to share her with another set of parents. Now I can tell you with certainty that I would give almost anything to be able to tell Quinn something, anything about her birth family. I worry that one day she will feel an emptiness there and I won't be able to do anything to help her.
So today we celebrate my baby Quinn. I rejoice that God sent her to us, even though our joy means that another set of parents on the other side of the world has to live without Quinn. I am thrilled and honored to be able to call myself Quinn's mother but sad for that other mother who doesn't get all the hugs and kisses and "I love you's." Happy Birthday, Quinnster. You get more and more beautiful with every passing day.
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