When Dana first played t-ball, the fields she played on in Maryville Little League had a sign in the outfield: "Remember...They're Just Kids." I think that should be mandatory on every playing field used by children for any sport. So many parent-coaches are in it for themselves and not just for their little tyke, and they don't even realize it. Jon is coaching Karis' softball team this spring and he's doing pretty well. I only have to reel him in rarely. He's always been very gentle with the girls, and he's been at this for over 10 years now (coaching little girls). Bless his heart, if he was hoping to coach a go-get-em boys' team that's too bad, because all he got are daughters. Anyway, he's always been very sensitive to the girls' feelings and careful to be encouraging. He calls it "positive coaching." On occasion I will say something to the assistant coaches, one of which is Dana, and she tends to get frustrated with careless errors. The other assistant coach is mainly hard on his own daughter, and I have been known to call him down as well. My mantra is, "They're little girls playing a game." We had some bad calls the other night and Dana kept coming over to me to complain. I was trying very hard to keep myself from getting my emotions involved, so I told her I was in Softball Nirvana and nothing she said could touch me. It's just a game, it's just a game, it's just a game.... The art of Zen Softball.
Wednesday night Karis' team played against the Tigers, who haven't lost a game this season. Their coach has a reputation for being tough on the kids and I have heard him fussing at them before. I remember thinking that I wouldn't allow ANY coach to speak to my child that way. The problem is, it doesn't really escalate to what you could call verbal abuse. It's just slightly this side of abuse. Anyway, I dreaded the game all day. I knew we didn't stand much of a chance of winning - I just didn't want our girls to get discouraged if the Tigers ran the score up, which their coach has been known to do. I mean, this is 8 and under girls' softball! Get a life, coach! So I went through the day with a knot in my stomach, praying for the best and preparing for whatever might come. As it turned out, our girls didn't play a bad game. They did pretty well against a stronger team and if it hadn't been for a couple of grand slam home runs by the Tigers, we might have had a much closer game. The problem came when our girls started hitting well in the third inning. The ball got by the Tigers' shortstop and third baseman, and I heard the coaches telling them something like, "How could you let that ball get by you? You've got to get the ball!" Then the ball got by the shortstop again and once the umpire called "Time!" I saw the head coach and the assistant coach both stomping toward that poor shortstop, yelling, "What are you supposed to do with the ball? What? Then do it!" I stood up from my chair and said, "They're just little girls, guys. Come on!" I couldn't believe I said something, and then I couldn't believe that little girl's mother didn't say anything. As it turns out, her dad is the assistant coach. Anyway, when the Tigers got up to bat and it was the shortstop's turn to warm up, you could see she was near tears. Her dad (the asst. coach) walked over and told her to stop crying. Gee, Dad, that was thoughtful. What must that poor child have had to listen to in the car all the way home? And this is supposed to be fun!
I have seen many, many softball and baseball games over the years. I have seen an umpire get his jaw broken and knocked out cold by the angry coach of an 8-year-old boys' team. That coach was arrested, charged with assault and banned from coaching, and rightly so. But what affect did it have on his son, who saw the whole thing? When Dana was playing competitive fastpitch, the behavior of some of the parents was atrocious, and occasionally I was pretty obnoxious myself. What does it teach our kids when we are constantly questioning the umpire's calls, or saying mean things about the other team? We used to teach our girls to cheer on your OWN team but stay away from cheers that make fun of the other team. That's just not cool. And you compliment good plays by BOTH teams and not just your own. Jon has actually had a couple of opposing coaches come to him after a game to compliment his coaching style and I know that makes him feel like he must be doing something right. But in that game Wednesday night it was like a guppy next to a shark! In the end, I think I'd rather be with the guppy.
There was a news article a couple of days ago about two college softball teams playing for a tournament spot. A girl from one team hit her first home run and hurt her knee when she reached first base. If her teammates helped her, she would be called out. If she didn't run the bases, the run wouldn't count. Two players from the opposing team voluntarily picked her up and carried her around the bases, which eventually cost them the game. THAT is sportsmanship.
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