Worship (Again)

The saga of Kim's own personal study of worship continues... I am reading a book called "The Heart of the Artist" by Rory Noland that is a real eye-opener. First of all, I hesitated to buy it because I thought it was a little presumptuous of me to assume that I'm an artist and therefore entitled to read this book. But the subtitle is "A Character-Building Guide for You & Your Ministry Team" and I AM part of the Worship Ministry team so I figured it would be OK. So far no Book Police have come to snatch it out of my hands so I think it's going to be just fine. The chapters are on things like Servanthood vs. Stardom, Excellence vs. Perfection, Jealousy and Envy, Managing Your Emotions, etc. Some of the other books I read were very lightweight in comparison to this one but HOTA (don't want to type the whole title out again, sorry) is very nitty-gritty. I mean, when someone tells you that you have a beautiful voice, how DO you respond? I know that the only reason I can sing a note is because God has given me a gift, so how do I accept a compliment gracefully without being prideful and at the same not denigrating a gift from God? I don't know yet but I'm learning. Meanwhile Amy is reading a different book on worship and we end up calling each other to read aloud on the phone. I'm using a highlighter as a bookmark because I keep needing the darn thing to mark a particular meaningful passage.

I sang a little two-line solo on Sunday morning and people have been so sweet to tell me that they enjoyed it. It was a song that I know and love and I had no problem singing it from my heart. I have to say that while singing I felt a rush like nothing I have ever felt before from the soles of my feet to the (frosted) tips of my hair and it wasn't just adrenaline - it was the Spirit. I don't know why He would choose to pour over me like that but it was SO cool! You know, none of us are worthy to stand before God and lift our voices to Him. We are all flawed and while I know that Praise Team and Band members may look like leaders, we are just sinful humans like everyone else.

I had ample proof of that this week when I had to go to someone and apologize for some things that I've said about that person. It was embarrassing, humbling, and.... completely necessary. It was one of those things when God just planted the idea in my heart and would not let it go. It got to the point where I was almost physically sick with knowing that I had to do this thing, but oh the relief when it was over! Believe me, I would rather have been just about ANYWHERE else! I did it out of obedience and certainly not because I'm a "good" person. If I'd been such a good person there wouldn't have been a need to apologize, would there?

So, back to worship... I was talking on the phone to my friend Marsha this evening and she said a couple of things about worship that I wanted to remember, so I'll post them here. She compared worship to praying to God while the congregation just happens to be listening in, or talking to God in front of everyone else. Or an intimate conversation with God and you are letting others watch. You're connecting with God and everyone else just happens to be there too. I wish I could remember it all. I think Marsha has the gist of what the Praise Team is supposed to be about. I've heard other worship leaders talk about leading the congregation into the presence of God although I haven't heard a good explanation of that one yet.

Sunday afternoon we have auditions for next year's Praise Team. I've changed my song about four times already and still have to edit my testimony. Again. I don't think Larry wants to read 10 pages of my life story. Maybe he'll just ask me to hit the highlights so he doesn't have to read it. Anyway, I originally wanted to sing something really impressive to blow his socks off but I'll settle for a song that I can sing and really feel some emotion. I hope he asks me why I chose my song because I'd love to tell him. I'm still not sure I have a good answer to the question of why I feel God is calling me to serve on the Praise Team but I haven't given up praying about it.