Things I've Learned

I like to think I'm pretty honest with myself about myself. There's no point in trying to hide my flaws anyway, because they are usually on full display without me even trying. We had a friend living with us for four months, along with her three children, and I learned some valuable lessons in that time, especially about myself. Those of you who know me probably knew all this stuff already, but humor me.

1. I'm not as patient as I thought I was. I really thought I had a handle on my impatience, but apparently not. That's what I get for relying on MY control instead of letting God be in control.

2. And the corollary to #1: I can be so hypercritical at times. You know the verse about removing the plank from your own eye before you try to remove the speck from your brother's eye? God was talking to me. Who am I that I think other people should follow my example? Why do we always think our way is best? Why (unless it's Biblical) does there have to be only one way to do things?

3. Most situations are easy enough in the short term but can get more and more complicated as time goes by. We enjoy having friends come to visit us, say, over a weekend. I can deal with most anything for 48 hours - crying babies, extra messes, feeding a crowd, being thoughtful - but once someone has been here over a week my tolerance starts to deteriorate.

4. On the other hand, I can tolerate more than I thought I could. Thanks to some good friends with excellent listening skills, I managed to keep a lid on my mean mouth for four months. Don't get me wrong, our houseguest was not particularly hard to live with. It's just that when you get used to your house being a certain way (furniture arrangements, cleanliness standards, where you put your daily "stuff") it can knock you off guard to have to change all that and my best weapon is sarcasm. It sure doesn't make people like you to get all snarky on them so I learned it's best to keep my mouth shut and get over it.

5. Despite my smart mouth, I avoid confrontation whenever possible. This one bothers me. As a bona fide Choleric, I tend toward the bold and brassy in my relationships. Why, then, was I so reluctant to speak my mind when things came up that needed addressing? Probably because I was afraid of coming across as critical. Probably also because I knew from experience how my efforts would be received, and I simply did not want to go there. And so....

6. ...I have a great future in the United Nations. I can't believe I found myself in the position of peacemaker! Trying to keep everyone happy and protect feelings was a full-time job. And I mean the kids AND the adults!

7. I don't want any more children. You might think this was a no-brainer, but up until October I still half-entertained the idea that someday I might want to adopt again. Let's just say I was keeping my options open. Jon wasn't on board (yet) but I figured he might come around if it was something God wanted for us. Having two year old twins here for four months has totally cured me. I still love babies and I am thrilled to hold them, rock them and smell their sweet baby smell, but until Dana gives me grandchildren (in about 10 years) working in the nursery will give me my baby fix.

8. I love my husband! I was divorced for about four years before Jon and I got married and I know what it's like to be the sole parent in the household. It's a lonely and difficult job, even on the best day. Despite his imperfections, Jon is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I know without a shadow of a doubt that our marriage is a gift from God. I know I am nowhere near an easy person to live with, but somehow he muddles along and keeps loving me just the way I am. That's a man letting God love through him. It's supernatural, I tell you.

9. No matter how rotten they can be, I wouldn't trade my kids for any other kids on the planet. Again, it sounds like a no-brainer but you wouldn't believe how many times I've heard parents wish aloud that their child was like so-and-so's kid. Not me. Four months of observing someone else's children up close has convinced me that God knows exactly what he's doing when he places a child into a family. My kids need me and I need them. They're not perfect, but they're mine. I imagine God feels the same way about some of His children.

10. I am honored and humbled to be associated with the people of LifeSong Church. We have some of the most giving and loving people in South Carolina, if not the world, and they welcomed our friend in many wonderful ways.

11. And lastly.... I'd do it all over again. Despite the aggravations (on all sides, not just mine), it was SO worth it.

Cherries

Wow! I've been lax about posting on this blog. I guess I've been so consumed with the Project365 blog that I haven't been making the time to record my thoughts (disjointed as they may be) here.

So I was in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and checking out the marked down items up front when I came across some jars of cherries. I like cherries, especially the candied kind that go in fruitcake (which I also like, so don't throw it away, just give it to me) and maraschino cherries, which I have been known to eat straight out of the jar. Don't order a sundae in front of me because I'll steal the cherry right off the top. Fresh cherries, I'm not so crazy about. Anyway, attracted to the possibility of a cherry snack, I picked up a jar only to find they were lemon-flavored cherries. What?? There were also raspberry flavored cherries. Why?? If I wanted raspberries, I'd eat raspberries. When I'm eating cherries, I want to taste cherries. Why cover up the flavor with a counterfeit flavor? Totally messed with my mind, not that it takes much. And it started me thinking...

How many times do we go through life feeling like we're not "enough" just like we are? We put on fake flavors, or masks, all the time. We act happy when we're anything but, we do our best to wear the cool clothes whether we like them or not, and basically do our best to fit in however we can. We try to discern what other people want us to be and then we try to fit into their expectations. Sometimes we forget that God made us who we are and if we're a cherry, we should be the best cherry for God we can be. Don't go around trying to taste like a raspberry - leave that to the raspberries. God loves us the way we are. Why can't we?

Tonight our LifeGroup is talking about spiritual gifts and that fits right into the fruit discussion. Find out what your "flavor" is and BE THAT. Explore your gifts and tap into them for God's glory. I'm a big fan of personality tests because I love any insight I can get into what makes me who I am. I took a test about 10 years ago that revealed I'm not simply bossy - I'm someone who gets things done. It put a whole new face on what I considered "negative" characteristics and made me see myself in a different light. It also gave me a greater appreciation of God's design for humans. We are all different with no two alike, much like snowflakes, and we need to value ourselves and each other for what we are and not try to fit everybody into some neat little box. I love Amy D. for her Amy D.-ness. I don't expect her to act like Amy H. I love Marsha for her Marsha-ness and I don't try to change her into Tracy. I love the variety of God's children! Meanwhile, I'm going off to try and decide what flavor I want to be. Banana? Mellow, sweet, smooth? Maybe Granny Smith apple - sweet but tart and crisp.....

Everyday Miracles

Last night was "This Night" at LifeSong Church, an event for the ladies where we put together lovely tables, eat a nice meal and hear a speaker. The speaker for this particular event was a young lady who had been involved in a horrible car crash and made a miraculous recovery, and her main theme was how God was involved in all the details of that incident, and in fact He is in control of all the little details of our lives. It really made me pause and think about all the times that I marveled at some coincidence in my life and may have even acknowledged it as God's work, and then promptly forgot all about it. Someone has said, "Coincidence is God working miracles anonymously." Cheesy maybe, but true. I don't believe in fate, or karma, or whatever you may call it. God has His plans and He is most definitely out there working miracles in our lives every single day. Amy Grant sings about angels watching over us and how God keeps us safe in myriad ways that we will never know about. Here's a story that came to my mind while I was listening last night.

Back in January 2000, we were a family of three. Jon and I were on the way to getting pregnant and in fact, would get there about five months later. Dana was twelve years old and playing Upward basketball. We were driving a nice Ford Windstar van that we loved, although we had just replaced the transmission to the tune of $1800. Dana particularly loved that the van had backseat controls. In other words, when she sat in the second row, behind the driver, she had her own control panel for the radio, heat/air, etc. And that's where she usually sat: right behind the driver's seat. Because there were only three of us, we usually went everywhere together, including sports practices. On one January practice night, I had been sick with a stomach bug and sent Jon and Dana on without me. I laid around the house feeling awful for about an hour and then the phone rang. It was Jon and all he said was, "We've been in an accident. I have to cal 911. We're in front of the church." I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I drove to the scene of the accident. I will never forget topping the hill on Kingston Pike to see flashing lights, police cars, fire trucks and ambulances blocking the road. When I was finally able to get to the van, I found Dana and Jon standing outside it. The van was nearly folded in half. Jon later told me that when he turned left onto the road, a small black car with one headlight came speeding down the hill and t-boned them. The point of impact was just behind the driver's seat, where Dana sat. Except for THAT night. Because I stayed at home, Dana sat up front where she was safely behind an airbag when the accident occurred. The van was totalled but Jon and Dana walked away.

New Year's What?

I used to make New Year's resolutions. A few years ago I made one last resolution and that was to STOP making New Year's resolutions. It's a set-up for failure, in my opinion. Setting goals is all well and good, but you can do that at any time. Why not Easter resolutions, or Labor Day resolutions? I get that the new year is a good marker and a new beginning, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Personally I'd rather make any so-called resolutions simple, somewhat vague and do-able. There's a greater chance for success that way.

I've been reflecting on what I did right in 2008 (a good number of things) and what I can improve on in 2009 (lots more things). I decided to try to improve certain aspects of my spiritual life this year so I made a list to remind me to focus. It's NOT a list of resolutions, mind you - just some phrases to keep me headed in the right direction. And since I'm working on my spiritual health you won't see any comments about weight or exercise on my list. Despite what I said in the first paragraph, I can be a bit of an over-achiever sometimes, therefore... my short little list of reminders (DON'T call them resolutions!) is in rhyme. Don't laugh. I worked hard on this! And remember that these are mostly referring to my relationship with God, although some could also apply to my other relationships too.

More time, less hurry;
More trust, less worry.

More listen, less talk;
More obey, less balk.

More faith, less see;
More of Him, less of me.

I reserve the right to add to this list as I think of new ones. Reminders, that is. Not resolutions.