There is a lady I know that I have served with on a committee. A few months ago, she dropped off the radar. She didn't return phone calls and simply disappeared from view, more or less. Then I saw her at the ball field last Saturday. We had always had a decent relationship and she asked if she could talk to me about why she dropped out of sight.
She started off by saying she wanted to talk to me because I was the only one in that group that she had never heard say a bad word about anybody. I felt good for about five seconds and then reality hit me because the truth is, I certainly HAVE said bad things about other people. Apparently this lady was just not around at the right time. She went on to say that she didn't like how our group seemed to spend the first 15 minutes of every meeting talking about other people. I don't remember every single instance but I believe it's true.
I'm sure it wasn't her intent but God used that conversation to humble and convict me. I gossip and I enjoy it, and it's wrong. What is it about gossip that is so attractive? Because it is, isn't it? It's simply delicious sometimes to have the dirt on someone! Is it the idea that tearing someone else down makes me look better? Is it the feeling of knowing something that not everyone else knows? Our culture today makes gossip seem harmless, part of the "everyone does it so it's not so bad" genre. There are entire TV shows, magazines and websites devoted to gossip alone. Previously when I've been made aware of my tendency to gossip I've had to look at friendships that seemed to encourage talking about others and wonder what on earth we'd have to talk about if we weren't talking about other people.
And what's the test of gossip? I've always heard that before you speak you should test your words: is it true? Necessary? Kind? Beneficial? I've also heard that last one as "uplifting" or "encouraging". I've also heard it said that if you are not part of the problem and you are not part of the solution, you have no business talking about it. I've heard that you shouldn't say something about another person that you wouldn't say if they were standing right in front of you. And there's always "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Do the rules about gossip apply to celebrities too? The Bible says "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Is what I say and think pleasing to God? Do a Bible search for passages about "words" and/or "mouth". It's an eyeopener!
Meanwhile, my talk with my friend shamed me on another level. If we as a group were truly off-base and spending so much time slamming other people, somebody should have spoken up and stopped it. Why didn't I? It only takes one person to say something like, "I don't think we should be discussing this. Let's talk about something else." At heart most people KNOW it's wrong to talk about others behind their backs and a gentle reminder will get them to stop. Silence implies consent. If you don't speak up everyone assumes you don't mind it, or that you agree with them. You don't have to be confrontational or judgmental, just redirect the conversation to something safer. And if you don't speak up, who will?
